My dad's hair was falling out because of the chemo so he had it all shaved off yesterday. Isaiah thinks it's hilarious. Because my Dad still has a lot of body hair Isaiah told him he looked like a bald gorilla, which made Dad laugh.
When we got home from Cleveland yesterday I talked to my Dad and he sounded a little sad and I told him what I'd seen at the clinic.
When we walked into the clinic yesterday there were two girls who were maybe 13, if that. One girl had a scarf wrapped around her head, obviously chemo had done a number on her hair too.
I told my Dad he's lucky to have kept his for 60 years. After seeing that girl and how she's spending her summer vacation how can you not take a break from worrying over the side effects it's having on a 60 year old who refuses to quit working even though it's wearing him out. He did finally talk to a supervisor and ask if he could be excused from working the 10 hour days and only put 8 in. Of course they agreed. They would have agreed weeks ago if he'd just have admitted he couldn't do it (especially in this 90 degree weather!)and asked.
Dad said he's never felt so bad as he had since starting chemo. I think a lot of it is depression and being tired. He's having trouble sleeping and that doesn't help, it would affect even a healthy person.
It is what it is. You either take the good with the bad or let the bad overtake everything without a fight. Of course that's easy for me to say, it's Dad's fight. I'm just glad he's fighting. His father died of a brain tumor. He had bad headaches and when told to go to the Dr. he'd say "why they'll just tell me it's a tumor". He was right and that's what he died of. I don't think he ever took any sort of treatment for it. Of course that was in the 1970's and treatment was archaic compared to today.
I guess because I worked at a nursing home when I was younger and saw a lot of death I'm just not scared of it. It's more of the process that's scary and it's hard on those of us left behind, trying to figure out how to go on. But go on you do, the world has yet to stand still because any one person died, even Jesus.
I think Dad will always be with me, and that's a comfort. Hopefully chemo will help and add a few years onto his life. But this whole experience has made me stop and think, and realize that he will be gone one day. Whether it's 1 year or 20 it'll be hard.
2 comments:
You are such a strong woman, Jenny, and I really admire you. I'm hoping for the best for your dad and your whole family.
I really respect your post, and how you're dealing with your dad's illness. Sounds like you're at peace with it as much as humanly possible, and I pray that the Lord will step in when necessary to fill up your "peace tank." (I know, that sounds kinda dorky, but you know what I mean.)
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