My Latest Book

Ok, FINALLY I got to the library to get a book! I started reading it today it's titled "I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids".
I saw the women who wrote the book on the Today Show promoting their latest book "I'd Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper".
I just started the book today but already I feel really good about reading it. It's a reality check in some ways. About the pressures we moms put on ourselves and some of the unrealistic expectations. One thing I read that I totally relate to is this...Part of my stress is decision making. I mean I'm totally responsible for everything related to my kids. Since I make all the decisions I am responsible if it doesn't work out.
Bill is really good about helping with meals, laundry, cleaning and all that. But sometimes the biggest thing that would help me is if he would make a decision. He won't even decide what restaurant we'll go out to. Most of that is mostly he doesn't want to make the wrong decision.
The book says as mom's we're chauffeurs, accountants, interior designers, etc. and what cracked me up is it says we get frequent daily job "reviews" from angry little bosses.
I do feel burnt out sometimes. I feel like if I were to go back to work I'd feel extreme guilt and if I continue to stay home the days just all run together. I can't even imagine leaving Naomi with a baby sitter. I can't even leave her very often with her Dad. I just feel like the one time I'm not with her something bad will happen. Especially since once I had an appt. with the SS office and Bill called me on my way home and she was having a really bad cluster.
It feels selfish to say but I miss getting up when I wanted, going to bed when I wanted. Just being able to be where Naomi is out of my eye sight without worrying she's climbing something, tearing up something or anything like that.
There's no taking her outside to watch her play in the yard. Or play with her. Our yard is not fenced and going out is super stressful. I'm just constantly chasing her all over the place trying to keep her from running all over the place. Trying to keep her from eating dirt and grass. She mostly swings. At least then she's contained.
She's so funny and so much fun so much of the time. But still how would you like to be at work 24/7? That's what it feels like too often. It's a catch 22 though. If I go away for a break I am so anxious wondering what is going on with her.
Bill did make a gate for the deck so this year hopefully we'll at least get out on the deck and I won't have to worry about her falling down the steps onto concrete. Last summer was shot because of Topamax and it's nasty side effects.
I know one day Isaiah will be grown. Heck, he seems mostly grown now, he can pretty much take care of himself! I know one day I'll forget how this all feels some days and wish they were little again. I know I should just enjoy one day at a time. But some days are harder than others.
Oh well, I think I need a nap!